The First Celebration After a Breakup

I was aware of the dates, but I overlooked An Important Day™ when I wrote down this title...

With the precedent I was having, I knew this week would be harder. In more than one aspect. It would also be the first time for something greater (within myself) to test my thematic days.

I have to admit I lost.

Even though on Sunday I felt like a working bee, moving from here to there, doing things everywhere, on Monday I threw my hands up and found it smarter to listen to my body. I have already been here two decades and a half, and will still be here (hopefully) for the same amount of time, so the least I could do to make it easier is reach an agreement or comply.

Why make my life a living hell by fighting against myself? It’s already hard in my head, and it’s harsher out there. We all should be softer with ourselves. With each other as well, but it’s always harder to do it with ourselves.

That’s why my Creative Monday was nothing creative. I gave up pretty early, knowing my brain, and that, on that particular day, there was no way to reach an agreement. The further the day passed, though, the slightly better I felt. I knew the option of being creative was out of the window already, but I always could do other things. Like working on the [REDACTED] adventure. Yeah…

I settled on that when I had another power outage. It lasted around an hour and a half? Maybe a bit more? Maybe a bit less? After half an hour or so, I decided to touch grass. Figuratively. Literally, I went to sit on my stairs, letting some of my cats go out and watching over them. (It’s not a nice neighborhood for my fur housemates, so they can only go out under supervision, and not even all of them.)

When the power was back, I was unable to talk myself into working on the [REDACTED] adventure. The moment had passed. But I did some editions and received some news (more on this, probably, in three months from now. Even though I may not remember by then that I wanted to talk about it, but will do so because of it being something to happen 😅). It was not a creative day at all, but it was fine. Sometimes, the days are just like that.

Were my hormones regulating already?

I would like to believe that yes, they were.

Review Tuesday was a productive day. Even though I took a break in between activities and tried for a little nap that lasted around two hours. Yeah, ‘little’ was a tricked word. ‘Tried’ was also a keyword. I did not get to nap, but I was so close to when I decided to cut the attempts (my partner arrived, and I wanted my coffee break; yeah, I was waiting for him).

Anyway, this week was the one for my first (and only, so far) review in Spanish. I read a book from Wattpad in Spanish, and even though is not traditionally published yet, everything you read (and do) is worth a review if so you want to give one. And I wanted to. I have no intention of translating it into English though. And I’m still sad I didn’t save my favorite phrases.

You can try to read this week’s review:

I feel half bad about it actually, but that’s part of the perks of being a bilingual person… I guess.

Even though I’m sharing the week’s post from Iron Valley before working on the review, I like this order here (the other way around) for some reason. Sharing the post from Linney’s campaign first should take less time than posting the review, which is always a Russian roulette. This one was very short in comparison, mostly because it didn’t have any favorite quote and it’s not a published book so some platforms like GoodReads and The StoryGraph weren’t needed.

Doing it that way also fits into my schedule. I go with Iron Valley right after breakfast and, no matter how early or late it happens, I’m usually finished before lunch. Obviously, well… kind of, after lunch I have more hours before my sacred coffee break to work on any kind of complex and / or long review, so I do that after.

Iron Valley, Linney's Campaign, is being live every Tuesday.

This week, it didn’t take that much time, so I was able to take advantage of my strangely motivated momentum to do other things. I scheduled more campaign posts (just one, but one post is one less I have to worry about), I applied for an ARC of a known and loved author (I’m part of their team, but they always ask. Hopefully I get it, I love their stories but I wasn’t able to progress much with a Beta of theirs), and I finally finished tweaking the [REDACTED] adventure and sent it to my boss. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m totally anxious normal right now. (I am not.)

Strangely, that day and the next I was reacting (I still don’t know to what) to something I identified as an allergy (because of some already known symptoms and the likeness of the experience to an allergy reaction) that was overloading my touch sensory system. My skin was itching even after washing it, twice, and it would flare apparently at random at times. An antiallergic did as much as showering and changing my clothes did: not much. I was uncomfortable and alarmingly wary, but it was bearable. Mostly wishing and expecting it to pass soon. (It did, but I had a new scare on Saturday. Fortunately, it was just a scare.)

On Working Wednesday, though, I did not want to work. What a novelty. With my body feeling tired due to the hormones’ activity and the itching, I just wanted to do nothing. But I also wanted to finish my workshop. I just didn’t have enough energy to do so. It’s a constant battle, some days are easier than others. I gave myself room to rest. As the next day was An Important Day™ (celebrating seven months with my partner), I decided to redo my nails. Two were already completely missing color, four were in the way, and four were almost completely intact. Since his visit in May 💕, I’m painting them one light blue and the other baby pink. I haven’t tried only one of them just yet, but it’s because seeing both of them alternated made me happy. It’s the combination. I could try them separately, but I have no rush, this works perfectly as it is. (Apart from the fact that one hand does end up being perfect, but I always find a way to mess up the other, and I gave myself plenty of time to still my hands this time.)

About the Working part, though, in the end, I did it. I finished my Collaborative Writing Workshop. In Spanish. I also formatted a different workshop to also launch on Patreon, so I ended up with two workshops ready to go. In Spanish. I still have to translate them into English and upload them on Patreon, but that’s the easy (and another working) part. Ending them was the hard one. With those workshops, I also figured out two other writing groups I could (and will) open to continue helping writers. They will have limited spots, though. But, the important part is that I’m excited. I managed to get all this (even though the groups aren’t written down yet, but I doubt they will need more than one post… likely?) in my current state. Just doing the scheduled (thematic or not) task is a win.

Which reminds me I was supposed to double-check on that day that the edition I was doing to a project was good so far. God damn it. So good so far. I can’t say I’m not busy anymore if I find myself having to kick around some tasks and events because they do not fit into my days. It feels both annoying and satisfying.

I feel both annoyed and satisfied on a constant basis.

Not this Thursday, though.

As I told you already, there was no Backstage Thursday this week, in its place An Important Day™. It was lovely. We had grown a routine in which we take turns throwing a star (an eight-sided dice) for our Uncharted Hearts (our first ever one-page TTRPG game) campaign. We also decided there to keep throwing dice on monthlies (monthly celebrations) and assemble that year’s community details on anniversaries. It makes it all so exciting, giving ourselves something we want to keep doing for years. We will more likely compile the communities we create, there’s talk of making a whole new universe just for our Uncharted Hearts communities, and if there’s something I love (more than him) is creating stuff with that man.

We also planned our month’s known events, activities, and tasks. Hand in hand with my thematic days, it has helped me wonders. I love the accountability and companionship. We had set up a Google calendar to let each other know of certain events and activities, so we both can keep track of the other stuff. We talked a lot about our future and our plans (one of my favorite topics 💕) and, as every Thursday now, we had our Supernatural night, a night to watch one or two, maybe three 👀, chapters from Supernatural. There’s a lot to watch, so we have tons of Supernatural nights ahead of us; maybe someday we can start another long series heheh

A day just about us, so sweet and different from our other days because, even though we spend them together every day with so few exceptions since his visit in May, we are usually focused on our own tasks. I’m loving the start of each month so much and sharing it with him it’s just the best part of it all.

But were my hormones regulating already?

It didn’t seem so, no.

Secret Friday was another failure. Not that it was a failure, but I just failed at doing my tasks. My body was going through so much, I had expected so, but not at this scale. The ChariTTRPG started and the game I was going to play was about to happen, but I was barely able to stand, too much talking left me breathless, and for the first time in a lot of years, I felt like fainting. So I had to withdraw my participation. I fell asleep twice (early in the day and when the game was supposed to start), so I found out later that my game was canceled due to another player being affected by storms and flooding, leaving the table with just half the players. Which it’s a shame. It was going to be so fun.

Playful Saturday was another missed day. I was so into finishing my solo campaign because it’s being a story so exciting, but even though I was feeling better, I still needed to rest. I received an ARC from a different author, which I should start as soon as I can. I got into a different project as an editor, with the same boss as the one I forgot to double-check this Wednesday, which is cool (I just hope to be able to organize myself properly with all these editions).

So, as a wrap-up, it was a week. As usual, at least for me, a pain (hormones and stuff) took the place of another (teeth), so as far as this day could let me know, I’m better about my dental procedure, but we will see when I get back settling on myself. (Somewhen soon? Is it even something that gets to happen?)

Just now I’m noticing the title can be misleading. With the first celebration after a breakup, I am not talking about my monthly with my partner (which, technically, classify anyway. I guess, I’m not exactly tracking the time) but my ex-friend’s birthday. I just mentioned something about it two weeks ago, and I have been so hyper-aware of this day that it may have also been the cause of some of my symptoms… I guess. I know it can happen. It’s a recent change, so I know it’s normal. I also know that I haven’t been able to forget about anyone who has been close before, so I’m not sure about it leaving me at some point. I know it should gradually fade, or diminish, and heal. It’s just… I don’t know how I’m feeling exactly. I don’t know how I should feel.

So far, it’s been just a normal day, as normal as things can be, so I don’t know why the fuss. I have things to do and the intention of at least trying to do them, which would do me good. Distract myself, maybe stop giving this day a specialty that doesn’t have anymore. I think I can do that. Yeah, let’s do that.